I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
