i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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