ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize