now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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