My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
