And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
