i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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