my mouth tastes like poor choices
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
