i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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