You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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