its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
