i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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