i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
