I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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