He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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