I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
