I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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