I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
