I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
