dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
