ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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