Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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