At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Boobs are out for the taking
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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