need another drink. this is the easiest way
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
