I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
