come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
