he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
