is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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