Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
