THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
