so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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