did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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