we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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