Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
