The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
