OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
