the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
