Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
