doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
