and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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