How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
