He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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