he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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