i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
