ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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