i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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