I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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