Little spoons don't ask big questions
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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