I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
