he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
