I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
