Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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