Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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