can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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