Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
