I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
