I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
