Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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