i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
