I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
