doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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