my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
