Umm I'm too high to move.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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