Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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