Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
