Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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