Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
