I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
