matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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