"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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